For the first time in a few days I have a little bit of focus.  The whatever the heck hit me bug is giving me a reprieve.   I’m still under the weather but I think I can form a few sentences.

After a few phone calls and talking with a few other folks it became sadly obvious that not many understand why I am pushing myself to learn more about writing a novel.  I was told I just needed to do it because I am capable of it and to stop dilly-dallying around. 

Yet, I look behind me on the bookshelf and I have a three to four foot stack of stories I have written.  I know their flaws and the gems inside each of them.  They are still not the stories I want to tell.  They are filled with logic and have the same pace, fast.  One thing happens after the other.  I know my writing has flaws and I want to get better.  That is what I am working on.  I know many folks think it is easy to sit down and pound out a 90,000 – 150,000 word manuscript, but how many have that are offering their advice?  None on my side, that I know of. 

Then I get the, “You should write short-stories.” or “You should write about _____.” Yes, one of those fill in the blanks moments.  My ideas are not conducive to short-stories, I have the stack behind me to prove it.  Yes, I have written short-stories.  No, I don’t want to write about what Aunt Mabel did with the jelly jar.  No, I’m not writing non-fiction.  No, I am not writing your ideas. 

You know, I was going to apologize, but that would mean I fouled up what I am trying to say.  I have not, so I will not. 

I am learning because I need to learn.  I need to grow.  I share what I learn because I thought some may benefit or that family, etc, may be interested in what I am doing.  Alas, all I have run into is information that is bad or poor.  Such as, “An editor is paid to fix your mistakes.  So write your book and they will fix it.”  Yeah, right into the trash can they will.  Because they have thousands more after me who took their time, honed their skills, and then submitted using the guidelines. 

These are the same folks who are telling my sister, she doesn’t need to hone her skills at college, because she is already good enough.  Or she needs a technical degree to go with the graphics-arts and illustration degree she is getting in addition to the paralegal degree she already has. Well, phooey on that.  Lil’ Sis, you keep going, learn more and show them all.

 Good grief, this is why I have not been answering the phone.  Each time I do it is someone trying to tear down what I am striving for.  “All for my own good” mind you. 

 With all this grand advice, this is reason I am studying from someone who has been published, not once but thirty some-odd times and I am listening to other writers who are striving for the same goals I am.  These people who are in the midst of battle with me trying to find the correct path.  Trying to avoid the landmines of mis-information out there along with the predators. 

I think my biggest problem is I am not being heard.  Perhaps that is the real reason I feel the pull to write.  I want to be heard but no one is really listening.  I get the first few words out and I get told I am too technical, I over-analyze.  Writing should come from the gut.  I agree.  On the other hand,  it needs structure or all you have is chaos.  I am tired of writing chaos. 

It looks like I formed more than a few sentences, whether they are coherent remains to be seen.  Alright, I’m going back to bed, I’m still not feeling that great.